Many in the world today are prone to the error of so many others that have gone ahead of them. They ignore the red light of danger and warning, despise the orange light of patience and study but go all out for the green that they see ahead of them. A common adage in the African society is that “only a mad man will do the same thing and expect a different result”. For there to be a change in output, there must be a change of input. The world over, there have been wrong and false images and expressions of marriage. There have been so many divorces (legal and illegal) and break ups in recent times than ever before.
People have attributed these divorce statistics to the level of enlightenment and literacy experienced in the 21st century society. Others have given credit to women empowerment programmes and projects. Remember friends that the divorce statistics we are experiencing in the world today is commensurate with the rate of juvenile crime cases, insecurity, rape, and other criminal and civil cases. If we can take a proper look at the society we live in today and the society we were born into, there is a great gap between the evils we saw then and the ones we are exposed to now.
There is no vacuum in the world, for every cause there is an effect. The amazing thing about the structure of the society is that, it’s a little fragment that sums up into a whole structure. The family is the little fragment that gives expression to the whole-that we call society today. Every expression in any society is an expression of individual families, homes and marriages. In other words, the picture of the 21st century society is a picture of the 21st century family, home and marriage.
To build any society, the home must be built, which means the family must be built. The hallmark of emerging and developed economies and societies is SACRIFICE. The same is true for any family, home and marriage. Any home that refuses to sacrifice refuses to be built and it will not last. The reason for the incessant divorce and break ups we have is hinged on this all important hallmark of SACRIFICE. We have read the building stories of countries like the United States of America, Japan, China and Singapore, how their leaders and people had to sacrifice and are still sacrificing daily for a long lasting society. To build a long lasting marriage we must sacrifice, no man will want to build a gigantic edifice and not first count the cost (sacrifice) he has to make.
Marriage is an edifice that you will start building once the ceremony is over. The ceremony no matter how much you spent and where it held, is just to launch you into the actual world of building, which takes a lot of sacrifice. The first thing you must sacrifice in marriage is your time – which will demand a lot from you. Your time is an important part of your life and it takes the heart of sacrifice to share and give to another person. Time in (talking, listening, reading, understanding) relating with your partner. There is no man on earth that does not need another man’s time. This is so important and we must learn to sacrifice in this area, to build a lasting home.
The hallmark of marriage is sacrifice and it is all encompassing. It is not a one man show like we understood from the previous article, it is a joint venture. Both parties must sacrifice for it to work. If you ask many couples that are building a wonderful standing edifice in their marriage, they will tell you it is hard- work, that is, it takes a lot of sacrifice. Sacrifice your resources – learn to give, even if the other part does not say thank you. Giving is a strong indicator of love, and do not mistake this for been materialistic, but no one refuses a gift. Giving gifts and other resources is a sacrificial act, which helps build a long lasting marriage. Many homes have been broken because of selfish act of either of the parties. Please do not despise this.
The last embodiment of the sacrificial acts is your commitment – the absence of it has destroyed lives and homes and have made a wreck of so many destinies. Stay committed – it is a sacrifice! Stay committed to your wife and your husband. Avoid unfaithfulness, where your commitments are concerned. Stay committed to the words you say and keep the marriage vow sacred. Let it mean a lot to you – it is a sacrifice, but you have to ensure you are committed to building a long lasting marriage.
To avoid joining the statistics and the bandwagon of our society today, avoid wrecking the lives of our children and the future of our societies, let us all embrace the hallmark of marriage and build great and enviable edifice with our marriage.
I would love to have your contributions and stories.